To the Girl Who Was Always Needed But Never Wanted

You are more than the things that you can do

I know what it feels like to be always needed. You are the responsible one, the person to rely on when times get hard. You are the friend who always listens, even if you heard the story a million times. You are the daughter, who keeps the house running and prevents conflict from blowing up. You are the sister, which serves as a foundation and role model to your siblings. You are also the partner, who tries all her best to make the relationship work. It was you who sustain the conversations, checking up on him after a long day of work. It was you who prepares the dinner, asking him if he can come over.

“No” was never an option. It breaks your heart when conflict arises and disagreements unfold. “Sorry” became your favorite word, a bandage to every emotional wound that you never inflicted. You always see things outside of you. Your empathy was your badge of courage in this cruel world. You are the fixer. You carry the burden of putting back the pieces of broken people who can never love you back. Your happiness depends upon them being happy because of you. You framed your entire existence on how you can help others in the expense of yourself. That’s why you are always needed for the things that you can do. Your love and care for others turned into transactions instead of relationships you want grow in to. You cannot remember the time when you are wanted because of you. The boundary between yourself and others blur as you seek for validation through your desire to be needed.

Girl, I feel you. I knew what it feels like to be always needed for the things that you can do. I also knew what it feels like to be the second choice, if the girl that he wanted was unavailable. It hurts to be in a cycle of doing all the work and getting disappointment in return. It was painful to lose oneself in the pursuit of unconditional love that you were not even sure exists. I want you to know that your needs, wants, hopes, and dreams are valid. You are allowed to protect yourself, you are allowed to let go of the things or people that no longer serve you. You are allowed to speak and get your voice be heard. “No” is not a dirty word. Protecting your health and sanity does not mean that you are a selfish person. Your love for others should also extend to yourself. The longest and most important relationship in your life was with you. Stop framing your existence based upon how useful you are to others. “Sorry” was not only to tell others but it was also for you. Forgive yourself for letting people and situations get the best out of you, for allowing others to trample your worth and break your heart. I know that this journey is going to be difficult. But always remember that you are incredibly strong. You are not alone.

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